A Bit of Seriousness

When I last updated this version of The Chaos Fold (unfortunately all the posts on the independently-hosted website are lost to the sands of time), it was 2008.  Barack Obama was not yet President of the United States of America.  I didn’t have a roommate and I was barely old enough to buy alcohol.  Time’s passed, people mature.  I would explain my tremendous lack of writing, but honestly it is a very sad story with bad things happening to good people and while I may come off as crass and cynical from time to time I’m not going to inflict that particular story on anyone who might read it.

A long time ago, an entire age of the world by internet standards I had a traffic explosion because of a wonderfully interesting pastor and blogger by the name of Carlos Whittaker.  At the time I felt a little silly, the staunch atheist allied firmly with a wide array of practicing Christians to unseat the word “cocksucking” from the number one spot on my referrals list.  Reading back I see a great variety of people who stopped in to comment, and especially in this day and age, with extremism running roughshod over everything in its path my cynicism cracked more than it had during those heady days of “Yes We Can”.

I may be something of a lewd court jester of the internet but I do pride myself on my intelligence and my tolerance.  I will admit that in the last six months, I’ve been losing a lot of tolerance for my fellow man, as it were.  At times I’ve thought “why me?” and cursed the people who I found responsible for the situation I found myself in.  I took solace in the wonderful friends I’ve made, many through World of Warcraft of all things.  Now, reading those posts that Los and I wrote, and the comments on each other’s blogs, I find that tolerance returning with a new found pride.

Too often we lose sight of the big things, the important things.  Too often those important things are each other.  In those comments and posts I latched back on to the ideal.  A quantum of peace within the storms of the world that we get swept up in all too often.

So I’m setting down my sword as it were.  The world is too precious a place to wrap yourself in intolerance and excuses.  Even now, while such horrible things are happening in the Gulf of Mexico, Iraq, Afghanistan, I am reminded of the words of one of my heroes, words that have given me hope through the ages.

“If we cannot end now our differences, at least we can make the world safe for diversity. For, in the final analysis, our most basic common link is that we all inhabit this small planet. We all breathe the same air. We all cherish our children’s future. And we are all mortal.” – President John F. Kennedy

That’s all.

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It’s been a bad case of February

Life’s been a bitch lately.  It’s about that time of year.

Anyway, I do have a musing to share with you all.  I’ve remarked before about how many of my fucking idiot friends are doing things such as getting engaged/married at ages comparable to my own, that is 20 years old.

That’s retarded.

Another one seems to have fallen victim to this breeder curse, albeit one of the psychotic religious nuts.  Bet you didn’t know I had any of those for my friends, godless heathen that I am, eh?   The whole notion of marriage is a dubious one to me.  It hasn’t exactly worked out for the people I know, so I’m reticent to try it.  Of course trying it would require a woman crazy enough to hitch their wagon to a dumpy misanthrope like myself, which is a whole other blog.  Getting married at 20?  That’s just ridiculous, I mean there’s crazy and then there’s scientology crazy, I think getting hitched at 20 falls into the latter category.

Oh well.  If it weren’t for worshipping space Jesus she’d have been pretty hot.  Best of luck in your descent into madness!

Friends With Retards

No offense to actual retards meant by the following.

Anyway, has anyone else noticed that as your life progresses, it isn’t so much a journey in self-improvement and maturity as it is weeding out the retards that you’re friends with?  I know most of the stupid shit I’ve done in the past, the sort of thing you look back on with that “Oh holy jumping fucking shitballs what the fuck was I thinking” can be traced directly to a retard who I was friends with, and subsequently identified and eliminated from my life.

Sometimes, more extreme measures in retard prevention are necessary, such as changing schools in order to wipe the slate clean when the retard-to-intelligent ratio is too imbalanced.  For instance, after my freshman year of high school I performed such a scorched-earth maneuver to purge a dangerously high contamination of retards that was beginning to affect my health.  Oddly enough, in ninth grade I was a volunteer worker for the POD, which is a sort of code-name for retard pen.  These were the legitimate, physically and mentally disabled folks who were wheelchair-bound or otherwise unfit for mainstream education.

They were some of the most intelligent, tolerable, and genuine people I ever knew.  There was a guy there, Scotty, he was wheelchair-bound due to Spino Bifida, but otherwise completely sound, pretty wicked smart and more athletic than I was at the time.  I know because we’d do laps together and he’d always outrun me in his chair.

So when I bade farewell to that god-forsaken school, I made sure to let all those people know that they were more normal than the normal people, or at least more tolerable.

At this point in my life I’ve reached what I’d call retard equilibrium, my current pool of friends is limited enough that retards are outnumbered roughly 2:1, which is necessary for any sort of coherent lifestyle.  Otherwise you run the risk of one of your retard friends getting you involved in some truly retarded shit.

Unfortunately I live in Washington D.C. so all that hard work in retard purging is counterbalanced by the ‘Tard Nexus mere miles away.

Pray for me, my friends.

This is all ridiculous.

While trying in vain to fall asleep at 7:30 in the morning, I had a thought.

The thought wasn’t a particularly dignified one, nor was it particularly profound on its own merit.

I realized that the vast majority of women I know have probably, at some point in their lives, had their mouths affixed to male genitalia.

Don’t judge me yet.

Anyway, when I mulled that concept over in my mind for a while something odd happened.  I began to panic.  I didn’t really know how to deal with that revelation, that all the people, from the elders who dispensed wisdom and cookies through my youth to the people I went to grammar school with, have probably sucked a cock or two.  It broke my brain.

In my continued effort to figure out how exactly this happened, and why it was causing a minor existential meltdown, I tried to put it out of my mind.  Didn’t work.  The whole notion is just too odd, that these people, many of whom I respect, love, care for, cherish, learn from, have partaken of an activity of that sort was hard to jive with.

Then it hit me.  The duality, between the fully-clothed, professional, intelligent human and the nude, carnal, animalistic human.  Its ridiculous.  Bordering on self-parody.  Only not so much bordering, it is self-parody.

I thought some more.

It doesn’t stop at that, everything is ridiculous.  And we take ourselves so seriously, too.  Here we are, contemplating the meaning of life, unraveling the great mysteries of the universe, and sucking dick.  The single greatest cause to believe in a god or creator isn’t the mysteries of life, or the complexity, because it really isn’t even that complex.  The greatest cause to believe is that life is so inherently ridiculous that surely, something must be playing a joke on us.

The more I thought the more ridiculous it seemed.

Human beings kill each other, go to war, create machines solely for the purpose of killing other humans.  And that’s the advanced part of us doing that!  The animal part, the so-called uncivilized part is the one that keeps the species going!  Sucking dick!

The way the universe works isn’t that complicated, just our explanations for the way the universe works are.  What goes up must come down, gravity.  There are thousands of theories and formulae that vie to explain that “phenomenon”.

My panic turned to calm, as I realized how ridiculous we all are.  For however hard we try to explain away the world, and however hard we try to kill each other, everyone’s still sucking dick, and that will save us all.

Platform Agnostic

There’s a particularly interesting term thrown around by people in the industry. The definition given is someone who owns all the consoles, or is otherwise not biased in any one direction.

From a linguistic perspective, though, it sounds as though it is someone who is uncertain as to the existence of consoles. Less literally, and likely what the originator was going for, it would mean one who can’t decide what the best system is.

It’s a console war term, and for all the absurdity of the console wars, they do exist in a way. The three-way mudfight that it consists of, however, is not best suited by religious metaphor.

No, that’s the domain of politics.

In politics, each side of an issue, equally unmovable in their resolve, will debate until the discourse degenerates into “No fuck you!” “No, fuck YOU!” ad infinitum. The console wars are the same, just accelerated by the miracle of the internet, so it reaches the destination a lot quicker.

A better term would be a platform independent, someone who chooses the best console for them at the time.

After all, religious debates historically end when one side kills the other. Political ones usually stop at cane fights.