Thank You

If you only check my blog, and that would seem improbable you don’t know that I’ve been fighting cancer since late July. Its been mostly waiting so far and now that chemo has begun I wanted to, now that I’m one week in on the Big Fight write up a little list of all the people who’ve been awesome and put it online so you all know it. I’ve probably forgotten some people, chemo makes me scatter-brained. I’m sorry in advance. Everyone below has personally done something that has made this fight one worth fighting.

And so, in stream-of-consciousness order:

THANK YOU

Travis Maxwell
Bridgette DeFelice
Corey Greenhawk
Marian Call
Liz Smith
Ken Levine and everyone at Irrational Games
Dustin Tallman
PJ Megaw
Tommy Heflin
Gail Sexton
Gayle Gawlik
Jonathan Morales
Katee Sackhoff
Molly Lewis
Scott Barkan
Chris Fabugais
Robert Kirkman
Ruth Tallman
Justin McElroy
Travis McElroy
Griffin McElroy
Mark Williams
Kara Hodge
Grant Morrison
Bryan Lee O’Malley
Matt Marone at Project Triforce
Karen Chu
Craig Ostrin
James Zimmerman
Chris Dishong
Nick Lyman
Rachel Peters
Rachel Kemp
Michael Ballack
Alice Ly
Bobby and Naomi Knox
Andrew Bown
Pat Gravel
Paul Huston
Angela and Aubrey from The Doubleclicks
Nicole/Hello The Future I’m sorry I don’t know your last name
Bill Paxton
Eric Reid at WMEE
John McLaughlin
Jonathan Nolan
Jim Caveziel
Michael Emerson
Taraji Henson
Amy Acker

My grandfather Calvin
My mom, my aunts and uncles, my cousins
My father, who’s the best in the world.

Zerzhul, Frugus and the whole PAX Prank Group

CAN’T QUIT YOU!

And everyone else, all you beautiful human beings who make up the army I never knew I had, if I forgot your name I’m eternally sorry, because you are the people who are crafting these beautiful points of joy that have let me light my way through the darkness, you are all of you nothing short of amazing, and never let anyone tell you otherwise. They will answer to the might of the Magic Sword King.

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An Angry Person

I recieved a comment today, from someone I may or may not know, that was rather touching.  One of the things it said, was “I honestly just thought you were an angry person”.

Well, in certain ways, I am.

One of the things I talk about a lot is politics, growing up in the shadow of Washington D.C. it becomes a part of you, at least if you’re at all intelligent which I like to think I am, even if I don’t show it all the time.  Politics, though, makes me angry.  A lot of things make me angry.  I am an angry person, but the anger doesn’t come from some dark place, it comes from reality, or at least the reality I am exposed to on a daily basis.  It also comes from the knowledge that things should be better in the world than they are.

There’s an optimism to my anger, because my anger is one that can and should be shared by everyone in the world.  The anger at ourselves for not having done enough, because really, you never can.  I’m an angry person because I’m not as much a success as I could be.  I’m an angry person because I’ve wasted many opportunities afforded to me, and squandered as many gifts.  I’m an angry person because I think I could make a difference, but also think that I may have lost my chance.

Sometimes the most difficult thing in the world is realizing what you are, and who you are.  I’m not an angry person, though I can be angry.  I’m not a bitter person, or a jealous person, or a mean person, though I can and have been all those things.  What I am is an ordinary person, someone who’s made a few too many mistakes and missed a few too many chances, at least from where they see it.  For people with dreams of changing the world the hardest thing to admit is that you’re no different from anybody else when you get down to the core of it all.

What makes an angry person a leader or a bitter person a fighter is effort, effort I haven’t put in.

It may seem egotistical to want to change the world or think you can, and it is.  My ego’s pretty big.  Even still, I think it is better to try and fail than sit and watch, especially after all the sitting, and all the watching I have done in my brief time on this chaotic world.