This is all ridiculous.

While trying in vain to fall asleep at 7:30 in the morning, I had a thought.

The thought wasn’t a particularly dignified one, nor was it particularly profound on its own merit.

I realized that the vast majority of women I know have probably, at some point in their lives, had their mouths affixed to male genitalia.

Don’t judge me yet.

Anyway, when I mulled that concept over in my mind for a while something odd happened.  I began to panic.  I didn’t really know how to deal with that revelation, that all the people, from the elders who dispensed wisdom and cookies through my youth to the people I went to grammar school with, have probably sucked a cock or two.  It broke my brain.

In my continued effort to figure out how exactly this happened, and why it was causing a minor existential meltdown, I tried to put it out of my mind.  Didn’t work.  The whole notion is just too odd, that these people, many of whom I respect, love, care for, cherish, learn from, have partaken of an activity of that sort was hard to jive with.

Then it hit me.  The duality, between the fully-clothed, professional, intelligent human and the nude, carnal, animalistic human.  Its ridiculous.  Bordering on self-parody.  Only not so much bordering, it is self-parody.

I thought some more.

It doesn’t stop at that, everything is ridiculous.  And we take ourselves so seriously, too.  Here we are, contemplating the meaning of life, unraveling the great mysteries of the universe, and sucking dick.  The single greatest cause to believe in a god or creator isn’t the mysteries of life, or the complexity, because it really isn’t even that complex.  The greatest cause to believe is that life is so inherently ridiculous that surely, something must be playing a joke on us.

The more I thought the more ridiculous it seemed.

Human beings kill each other, go to war, create machines solely for the purpose of killing other humans.  And that’s the advanced part of us doing that!  The animal part, the so-called uncivilized part is the one that keeps the species going!  Sucking dick!

The way the universe works isn’t that complicated, just our explanations for the way the universe works are.  What goes up must come down, gravity.  There are thousands of theories and formulae that vie to explain that “phenomenon”.

My panic turned to calm, as I realized how ridiculous we all are.  For however hard we try to explain away the world, and however hard we try to kill each other, everyone’s still sucking dick, and that will save us all.



I’m beginning to think that my generation has gotten the shaft.

The boomers were often maligned for being self-centered and arrogant, which in many cases I can agree with. However, the boomers also gave birth to Rock & Roll, drove the civil rights movement, and ended the Vietnam war. With such a vital force at their disposal, they were of course the perfect people to break the spirits of the next generation before they could challenge their rule.

Here’s an example; my two best friends believe the government of the United States is irrevocably broken, and the only solution is violent revolution. I don’t hold to that, myself, but it speaks to the sort of pessimism that afflicts us.

In my observation, I’ve noticed two types of people my age. There’s the intelligent depressive, who has the brains and the guts to bring about real change, but is so depressed by their seeming inability to do so that they no longer try. Then, there’s the brainwashed slob, the person who votes Bush because “he’s cute!” and idolizes Paris Hilton because she’s dumb and rich.

Those are both based on people I do know, so I’m not just stereotyping women, there. In fact, women are more likely to fall into the former category, men have a much easier time subscribing to a side of most divisive issues.

Iraq: We can’t pull out! That doesn’t sound manly at all, we gotta leave it in there and get the job done!

Abortion: It’s wrong! Mainly because I have womb envy!

Homosexuality: It’s evil because men hitting on me creeps me out!

Even though I’m painting a very one-sided view of things, my personal opinion is that in any functional society there are two roughly equal masses of loud, screaming idiots on the far sides of any issue, who scream loudly enough to display to the more reasonable and intelligent people in between how inherently ridiculous their perspectives are. Then, popular opinion settles on the best solution, as it is rarely what any winger will talk about.

I suppose I’m a victim of that pessimism, too, at times. I live in the nation’s capital, which amplifies all issues of a political nature to a deafening roar. At times I want to emigrate, simply so I don’t have to deal with it anymore.

Problem is I love my country, and it pisses me off at how the elder generation has made that into an issue, and not a virtue.