An Angry Person

I recieved a comment today, from someone I may or may not know, that was rather touching.  One of the things it said, was “I honestly just thought you were an angry person”.

Well, in certain ways, I am.

One of the things I talk about a lot is politics, growing up in the shadow of Washington D.C. it becomes a part of you, at least if you’re at all intelligent which I like to think I am, even if I don’t show it all the time.  Politics, though, makes me angry.  A lot of things make me angry.  I am an angry person, but the anger doesn’t come from some dark place, it comes from reality, or at least the reality I am exposed to on a daily basis.  It also comes from the knowledge that things should be better in the world than they are.

There’s an optimism to my anger, because my anger is one that can and should be shared by everyone in the world.  The anger at ourselves for not having done enough, because really, you never can.  I’m an angry person because I’m not as much a success as I could be.  I’m an angry person because I’ve wasted many opportunities afforded to me, and squandered as many gifts.  I’m an angry person because I think I could make a difference, but also think that I may have lost my chance.

Sometimes the most difficult thing in the world is realizing what you are, and who you are.  I’m not an angry person, though I can be angry.  I’m not a bitter person, or a jealous person, or a mean person, though I can and have been all those things.  What I am is an ordinary person, someone who’s made a few too many mistakes and missed a few too many chances, at least from where they see it.  For people with dreams of changing the world the hardest thing to admit is that you’re no different from anybody else when you get down to the core of it all.

What makes an angry person a leader or a bitter person a fighter is effort, effort I haven’t put in.

It may seem egotistical to want to change the world or think you can, and it is.  My ego’s pretty big.  Even still, I think it is better to try and fail than sit and watch, especially after all the sitting, and all the watching I have done in my brief time on this chaotic world.

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