5 AM Blues

Anyone else nocturnal?  I am.

Not all the time, mind you, it tends to cycle back and forth.  Insomnia combined with a vast abundance of “nothing to do” is a powerful thing, or lack thereof, as it were.  At first it made me very distraught, not being able to get practical things done, until I figured out that I really can get practical things done at odd hours, I just hadn’t tried before.  Over a period of months, years perhaps, I adapted, learned how to operate when the rest of the world sleeps.

And then it hit me.

There’s no one to fucking talk to on this planet at 5 AM!  Leastwise no one I’d really want to talk to, all my friends are depressingly “normal” when it comes to sleeping habits.  Habits!  They have habits!  The sheer gall of it astounds me.

You can go walk the streets that would normally pulverize you with noise and be completely undisturbed.  Meditative, even.  Walk for miles without seeing another pedestrian, disturbed only by the occasional whir of a passing car.  Depressing!

There’s a time and place for introspection, and it is rightfully placed during the nighttime hours, but as a general rule you’re not supposed to be up to engage in it this often.  Knowing too much about yourself is just damned unhealthy, I think.  And there’s no one to talk to!

There used to be a time when I’d cram an IRC channel or two into my life as an emotional tampon for my perpetually-menstruating inner-pussy, but as one could imagine it got old rather quickly for those selfish pricks who didn’t want to be ranted at for umpteen odd-hours.  These days, I process most of the menses internally, to take the metaphor way, way too far.

So the 5 AM blues strike me again tonight, no one to talk to but the great question mark in front of my Tubian pulpit, an audience known only by the nameless numbers on the wordpress control panel.

I had 753 of you last month.

Hooray, Tubes!

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1 Comment

  1. only reason i sleep at night is because of ambien. remember i used to be like u too.


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