So Fumbles McStupid with the camera showed off his newest cinematic abortion.

Yeah, I’m talkin’ bout Uwe Boll.

I genuinely hate this guy. I hate him based on hearsay and bias, no doubt, but I hate him. He doesn’t make bad movies. He doesn’t make bad video game movies. In fact, he doesn’t even make movies.

A while back, James Gunn, writer and director of Slither (and the 2004 Dawn of the Dead remake) wrote something very interesting about The Stain.

Turns out, Uwe doesn’t really direct much of anything. Just sits around, no pre-production work, very little actual direction. Just sits and texts on his blackberry. From what I hear the guy’s got plenty charisma, which is admirable, but as Gunn goes on to state, “DUNGEON SIEGE cost something like fifty million dollars, and I’m sure there’s fifty young directors out there who would cut off their right arms to direct a million dollar movie – and they would put every fiber of their beings into it.

I am one of those young directors. I could make my first film on one quarter of one million dollars, probably far less. As someone trying to get into the business, its more than a little frustrating. Though, for every Uwe Boll there is a Seth Rogen, the sort of guy who gives dumpy motherfuckers like me hope.

And yes, I would fight Uwe Boll. I wouldn’t do it on his terms, though, I’d wait until I saw him on the street, sucker-punch the guy, and run away giggling like a schoolgirl.


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